Patrick Testoni: The subconscious shift: Addiction, recovery, and living beyond limits // #35

Patrick Testoni is a lifelong athlete and energy professional with a passion for spiritual growth and transformation. Raised in Catholicism, he sought meaning through traveling, music festivals, and psychedelic experiences, eventually finding recovery through a 12-step journey.

Over the past 28 years in recovery, Patrick has overcome active addiction and homelessness. Throughout this journey, he's pursued self-realization by reigniting lost dreams and passions. Recently, he embraced endurance sports, completing a 70.3 Ironman and four Olympic triathlons, and he's just accomplished his first full Ironman on November 17, 2024!

His spiritual path has been about discovering a personal, intuitive connection to the world. Today, Patrick focuses on performance mindset coaching through hypnotherapy, helping others overcome addiction and unlock their potential. As a plant-based advocate, he strives to live—and inspire others to live—a high-value life of growth and self-discovery.

What you'll learn:

• The kismet way I met Patrick. :)
• The best way he feels he leads his life.
• The path that led Patrick to addiction and the catalyst that connected him to recovery.
• Patrick's advice on how to support a loved one who struggles with addiction.
• His view on what addiction really is from a neurological perspective.
• The subconscious tools he learned in recovery and why they're so powerful for living a full and wonderful life.
• What's happening to your brain chemistry and your body when you're self-medicating.
• The mentality he uses when faced with challenges and obstacles and how he remains authentic to himself.
• His journey with psychedelics and how they changed his perspective on the world and our societal conditioning.
• What poker has to do with hypnosis in Patrick's life.
• What Patrick does everyday to stay clear, focused, and energized.
• The seemingly "random" events that have intuitively guided Patrick's life, and why you can trust in your soul to lead you to where you're meant to be.

Connect with Patrick:

• Interested in working with him? Drop him a note at In28Awareness@Gmail.com 
• Hangout with him on Facebook or Instagram 
• Patrick mentioned his mentors Elliot Roe and Mellisa Tiers
• Be Here Now by Ram Dass

Disclaimer:
This podcast is for entertainment purposes only. Please consult with your doctor, therapist, or financial advisor for medical, mental health, or financial advice.

Transcript

[00:00:00] Ashley Mondor: Oh my God. I am so excited to bring to you one of my new friends, Patrick Testoni, who I met through Melissa Tiers. And if you don't know who Melissa Tiers is, she is a world renowned hypnotherapist who has been training like trauma therapists and practitioners for the past 20 years.

[00:00:16] 20 plus years. And I have wanted to take her coaching the unconscious mind certification for years. And so what happens is, is she has this intensive, we went through it back in September. And one of the cool things about Melissa is that she really drills in like the Meta framework pattern for change.

[00:00:36] And we learned about like, uh, hypnosis and things like that. But the cool thing is that we had to go into breakout rooms. And what I found was every single person I came across in a breakout room to practice with, which, like, it's kind of a nerve wracking thing, right? Like, you go into this breakout room with a stranger, and you're meant to, like, practice something brand new, and you're sweating profusely, and you're like, Oh my god, am I gonna be terrible at this?

[00:01:03] What if I cause a problem? But, every person I met was magical, and And so one of those people was Patrick, and we went through this change work process, and it was so wonderful because I got to hear part of Patrick's story. And when he started sharing it, I, I like freaked out, and I was like, Oh my God, Patrick, will you be on my podcast?

[00:01:24] I want to have people hear from you, and I want people to hear your story because it's so cool. And so I think Patrick is a badass, and I think Patrick has really cool snippets and gems of wisdom to share with you that I thought anyone would find valuable, so, first and foremost, Patrick, welcome.

[00:01:43] Where are you in the world? 

[00:01:45] Patrick Testoni: Thank you so much, Ashley, for having me and I appreciate such a wonderful and glowing introduction. Yeah, it's really good to hear kind words said. It helps me appreciate how far I've come in this world. So thank you very much for that. I very much appreciated meeting you as well , in that Coaching the Unconscious Mind workshop.

[00:02:03] It was life changing. Where I'm at in the world is I live in California, and, uh, what brought me to meet you is just part of the interesting journey that's been my life. And I think we talked about a lot of things in that conversation when we broke out together in that group that, we're very impactful for me.

[00:02:19] So the, the connections I made in that course by Melissa Tiers was amazing. For me I got involved in, in this work, which is coaching the unconscious mind, performance work, hypnotherapy by a A bunch of coincidences, but I found that that's been the best way to lead my life to allow coincidences to happen.

[00:02:41] And so I'm glad here to talk to you about my journey. I work as an energy professional and now I'm getting into energy work, which is quite the humorous synchronicity of my life, and, uh, there's also 28 years of 12 step recovery in there, and it's been a long journey of growth. And so what really made me really grateful to be here today to talk to you.

[00:03:08] And grateful to kind of share my story is that this work that we are both doing is very impactful, this change work. And it's just been another layer on the growth in my life that started out as a journey when I was a young child trying to figure out the world and discover things and all the frustrations in my case led to some drug addiction and getting clean.

[00:03:32] And I did not know that that would start a whole nother journey. So it's really good to be here. Thank you for having me. And looking forward to chatting more about it. 

[00:03:42] Ashley Mondor: Oh my gosh. So something that I really love is digging into people's stories. Because, like, I'm so in awe of people who can go through such density, and darkness, and trauma, and pain, and suffering, and addiction, and these things, and they lead themselves through it and out of it, and what comes from these places is truly magical, and impactful, and so special, because when you go through things like that, and you heal from them, the whole world changes.

[00:04:15] The whole world gets lighter because of the ripple effect of that. And so I'm wondering, because we had talked about addiction, can you share about what led you to addiction? Or what was the process of that? Like where, where did that start and why? And then how did you in essence lead yourself out of it.

[00:04:35] Patrick Testoni: It's a good question. It seems like so long ago, but I remember, you know from an early age being interested and attracted in drugs alcohol including drugs, It's was socially acceptable in some cases but at the end of the day, I think my connection that really brought me to using in an addictive way was really just the change that I felt that came from it.

[00:05:01] It was like freeing in my sense, in a sense I was, as most of us are really uncomfortable as a child, felt. I felt uncomfortable a lot of the times. I did well in school. And then when it came, alcohol was readily available. I remember some of my earliest memories are my dad's bar in his basement.

[00:05:21] And just kind of tapping away at that and watching my brothers drink and, and my friends were all starting to, to use. It was the eighties. So drug use was pretty much accepted. So it's just a matter of time. And for me, it was just a relief. But it didn't come like my parents, you know, they drank, but they didn't use.

[00:05:43] But I think there was a lot of comfort I found, you know, like what they say in recovery is the drugs aren't the problem. There's the solution to the problem, right? So I realized now that's what it was. It was a solution for me and it made me feel different, changed the way I feel. And I was socially acceptable in the case of alcohol and like weed and stuff like that.

[00:06:02] I was always so driven to do well my parents were teachers, but I didn't want any of that I kind of fought my way to the gutter as it were and who knows what drove that but ultimately once I found Found drugs. I was like right at home I felt comfortable because I look back at now and it's interesting is I was raised and given a But it was a dysfunctional home.

[00:06:27] So when I hung out with other people that were gifted and talented and doing well, they weren't perfect, but it just made me more aware of how dysfunctional my life was. Right? And so when I hung out with all the other partiers and, you know, young and learning drug addicts. I felt comfortable with them because they were all dysfunctional too.

[00:06:46] Like there was, you know, I felt like I could relate with those people more. So that's all self reflection in the past. At the time, I was just like partying and having fun. There's a saying that I always think about it. It was fun, then it was fun with problems, and then it was just problems. And that definitely is a short way describing my journey till I got clean.

[00:07:06] Ashley Mondor: Yes. Oh, I totally understand where that's coming from. Like, especially the social, socially acceptable piece, which is bizarre when you think about it. Like, I last year on December 26th, I decided that was the last time I was going to have alcohol and I was going to try for a year to see if I could give it up.

[00:07:25] Because when you are unhappy in certain aspects of your life, right, or you're feeling lost or frustrated, it's really easy to turn to a substance. And be like, Oh, you're going to make me feel this thing or, or I'm not going to feel this thing. And I, now, because I've been doing it and, you know, it's October, but looking back, it's so weird when you see how the media perpetuates.

[00:07:49] Like really alcoholism and the way that it's so pervasive and how if you're having a bad day, have a drink! If you're celebrating, have a drink! Oh mommy wine nights. Oh life is so stressful ... Happy hour. So it's just but why? Cuz it's a poison and I know that not everyone wants to hear that, right?

[00:08:08] But when you actually look at what it does to your body, it is insane And to your brain and to your heart and all these things, and we're not taught that because alcohol sells and it's so profitable. So, I'm wondering, as you reflected back on your journey and navigating that, like, what was the catalyst for you to choose to go to recovery and to choose a different path?

[00:08:32] Patrick Testoni: I used to joke, I had this just for tomorrow program. There's a saying in program called Just For Today. And for me, at the end, when it was problems, I was not a responsible productive member of society. I was homeless. And I had a couple of years before I'd been on scholarship at the university.

[00:08:50] I was in a lot of denial. But I felt like I was aware that I needed to change. I just didn't didn't want to make the change. There was a lot of things that needed to happen. I needed to physically detox. I needed help. And I didn't know how to ask for help. That was kind of a fundamental problem in my childhood too.

[00:09:06] Like, I probably could have asked for help early on or taken the help that was offered to me. But But I was too afraid to get vulnerable, which is the opposite of the work I do today, which is all about getting more vulnerable. But what happened, uh, for me was just like, I had an option to go to treatment.

[00:09:28] And so treatment is not required to get clean, but I took that opportunity and it worked for me because I needed to be removed from the lifestyle I was in and having a place to stay that was a safer place and just relearning life and working on myself every day. It was a six month treatment program.

[00:09:51] That's what was needed. It drove me. I had a choice. You know, I was facing some criminal charges. So I had a choice and I chose treatment mainly because I was ready to ask for help and I realized that I needed help. And something I'd been procrastinating or putting off was now put in front of me and I had to make a choice.

[00:10:12] I look back on it and realized that it was a fork in the road. Like am not it. Grateful for the harm I did. I feel, you know, the people, like my mom, the pain I put her through, my parents, my family, the people close to me. But overall, the experience it was kind of like a phoenix rising through the ashes for me.

[00:10:31] And I feel very fortunate because I was broken down and I was ready to ask for help. They have a saying and you said the profanity is okay. The two word prayer is fuck help and I was there and I needed that and so and then it became teachable I think more teachable than I was before so that word for me and honestly, if someone told me to go run around the block naked and I was going to like be able to stay clean and live a new life.

[00:10:58] I would have done it at the time. I had the gift of desperation fully and completely I just didn't understand what how to live a new life. And so for me, I was forever grateful for that process. And I realize now in a spiritual way that it was my path I was on and I was at a fork in the road. And I'm glad that I was given that option and I made the right choice.

[00:11:23] And started this journey that led me here today.

[00:11:29] Ashley Mondor: The Phoenix Rising is so beautiful. And I heard a quote once, I don't know who it's from, but they said that, the obstacles are your path. And we think like life is going to be this easy, joyful, rainbow thing, but then you come here and it's all around, right now, specifically, the way that the Earth is, is like, it's the hardest school in the universe.

[00:11:49] And we have contrast on purpose to be able to shape and show you where your light is and to show you how resilient you are and how you are indestructible infinite energy, right? And so it's so wonderful also that for a brief or however long moment in time where you needed a substance to support you and then you were given an opportunity and you took it because you didn't have to, you know, so can I ask you how long you were without a home?

[00:12:17] Patrick Testoni: I think, you know, my last girlfriend giving up on me, I think it's a little bit hazy to be honest, but there are some markers I think that was the last time I had a place to stay when she decided that she could not get me clean, get me back to being a functional drug user. That's another point I want to bring up too.

[00:12:36] So it was probably, uh, probably the last year I had a Volkswagen bus. I was a Deadhead. So having a Volkswagen bus was like a rite of passage. So, but at the end, uh, that's, I was either living there or moving from hotels with other people in, in Santa Cruz, where I live. But the one thing I wanted to touch on was something that was an important concept I got is I needed help.

[00:13:00] And the people around me who weren't addicts. Their help was going to kill me, not because they wanted to, because they just didn't understand the nature of addiction and the solution, right? I couldn't just go back to drinking alcohol like a gentleman. And so yeah, but it was, it was probably six months to a year.

[00:13:18] And there were some times in between that I was houseless to by choice. But the thing about being in where I was at, the kind of progression of the disease is that there was a lot of what I thought were choices, but they were really priorities. Like I was prioritizing my lifestyle over a place to live, which I might've called house, houselessness at the time, but it was kind of homeless.

[00:13:40] So yeah, it's, it's probably six months to a year is the short answer. 

[00:13:45] Ashley Mondor: And you said something interesting because I know people who are like, I love this person so much I can help them change. I can help them quit. I can help them do the thing. But they're not listening or they're like, I've been doing this for four years and they're not doing it.

[00:14:02] So, hearing you say you were with someone who loved you and she wanted to help you, but you weren't ready. I think that's a really great thing for someone to hear because, you know, The partner can be like I'm trying to do all the things for them. Why can't they change? So what would you tell them?

[00:14:20] Patrick Testoni: It's interesting the belief is and I agree with it is that there's a fine line between enabling and helping and so Enabling is more common. There's like the addict and the codependent is the term you'll hear in recovery, and their intention is good but they're actually encouraging the behavior because it's kind of like a dance, right?

[00:14:44] And so the best thing I think that people can do, and I'm not here to give advice, is to provide, I don't want to say tough love, it's a standard thing, but really just setting boundaries and offering help. And then, going and seeking help themselves. That's an important thing that I learned about.

[00:14:59] There's whole programs dedicated to people who are in relationships with addicts. And those are wonderful programs. One of the things I've known from being in 12 step recovery all the time is I'm, I, I get a lot of value because a lot of my relationships are people in recovery and they don't all stay clean.

[00:15:17] And so the same thing can crop up. You know, I've been in relationships. I've had friends who, it can be a draining, you know, because there's this idea like, I get that, but for all those other people who are using, I understand, tough love, let them find their way. But this is my significant other, my child, my parent.

[00:15:36] This is an exception. Well, it really isn't. And that's the challenge because you get so emotionally involved. So my advice is to, to seek help for, in my case, 12 step recovery was it's a valuable resource. There are other resources. It's kind of how I got into the work we're doing now is that it supports that sort of addiction changing of behaviors, right?

[00:15:59] So one of the things I, uh, you know, they talk about in recovery, they talk about the disease of addiction and what that is. Is it really a disease? What is it? It's not a moral deficiency that I believe that a lot of people come in thinking that. It's really for me, it's a detrimental mental program as one of my mentors.

[00:16:14] Uh, Elliot Roe. He's a performance coach mentions. And so by developing ways we deal with things by picking up and using we've developed these subconscious patterns in our brain, and so it's hard to consciously try to think your way out of subconscious patterns. So the best way is to use tools to do that.

[00:16:35] And in recovery, it's a tool of people hear, 12 step. It's a tool basically of thinking, writing, sharing and taking feedback. And that's, there's a whole process there. When you think about something, it's one thing, but when you write it down, it requires a formalization of thought, you know, you're a writer.

[00:16:53] And then as you read what you wrote, it's another level of awareness. And then if you share that with someone else, not only are you hearing yourself speak that to someone else, but you're watching them take that information and then they give you feedback. These are all tools that allow, an ability to rewrite those subconscious programs.

[00:17:11] That's kind of what I believe. And so the step where it did that and the work I'm doing now, working with Melissa Tiers, working with Elliot Roe I found that to be really valuable, not just to be a life of abstinence and recovery like without the use of drugs but to have a full and wonderful life. I think these tools are are the key because it says in the literature and i'll share this, it says, "The compulsion and obsession to use mind altering substances is a symptom of the problem." And so if you just take away the mind altering substance, it's like mowing weeds.

[00:17:48] What happens when you mow weeds? They grow back, right? So you need to really pull at the roots. And so that's where the, the step work, the, you know, if you're using other tools, the emotional work, the writing, the hypnosis work, the subconscious work, that's where I think it really comes in value. That's pulling at the weeds at the roots.

[00:18:10] Ashley Mondor: I love that. Thank you for touching on that. Especially because I've been studying the subconscious mind for a while now, and it's just so interesting when you hear people, especially around addiction, first off, the stigma of it, and it's like, why can't you change? Why can't you figure this out?

[00:18:24] And then it's like, well, because it's a coping mechanism. It's trying to help you with something. But then , when you go to the deeper level, it's like, what's happening there? Maybe it's trauma, maybe it's emotional stuff, maybe you're just so unhappy, maybe you're alone, right? And I think one of the cool things about the 12 step program is that it brings in a community where you're able to be vulnerable and you're able to share and there's like this friendship or this bond that happens between people because you get it, like you get where they are in their perspective and you're there.

[00:18:54] So on your journey, I'm wondering. What have you learned about yourself through this process that has helped you come into alignment and authenticity with yourself and to stand in your power? 

[00:19:08] Patrick Testoni: Everything. I've learned everything. And it hasn't, it's, it's really like, it's the foundation of the house that's built on.

[00:19:15] So a lot of the work allowed me to really do the work, right? At its basics, like the work I did in recovery is kind of like, I hate it. Like dialysis is the parallel I use. I've not been on dialysis, but it's like, okay, you continue to go. And if you do, you're okay. Your kidney's fine, but there's so much more we can get out of life.

[00:19:34] So what recovery and doing the work beyond recovery that I started doing as I collected time. Has given me is been clarity. And clarity is like a freshly tilled, I'm not a gardener, freshly tilled garden with fertilizer. If we have clarity, the mind in its natural state will start to grow, right? And so one of the things that happened when I first got clean was, as you mentioned, I've been medicating, we've all been medicating so long, that the mind actually changes.

[00:20:03] It doesn't know how to on a biological level, a chemical level, the body, the brain stops producing certain chemicals because the drugs are supplanting so there's a physical detox as your mind and your brain chemistry changes. That's what I was educated on when I first got clean. But then there's the whole subconscious program, all the thought patterns, all the, the things that make up our brain.

[00:20:26] And one of the things I really love about hypnosis and learning it is it's not so much hypnosis, it's learning about how the brain actually works. Like we're learning things. And instantly, as soon as we learn them, we're just dropping them off in our subconscious, right? And, you know, when I first drove a vehicle at 16, I spent every moment thinking about where my foot was, where my left foot, my right foot was, where my fingers were, where the cars were.

[00:20:51] Now I hop in the car, I could have drove to the store and forgotten I had gotten there, right? That's a good example. We're doing that all the time. 

[00:20:58] Ashley Mondor: Love that. Well, it's so true because you, well, and I was thinking from a subconscious perspective, one of the damaging things that people do is that they identify as an addict and they're like, I'm an addict.

[00:21:09] I just have an addictive personality. And you are literally programming that in. And then you're like, yeah, well, these are how I make decisions as an addict. I'm not a worthwhile person, or I'm not someone who gets to feel clear, clear, healthy. functional, happy, thriving. And so for you to learn that and also to lead yourself to something as profoundly healing as hypnosis and to help your clients through that and stuff is just so magical.

[00:21:35] And part of the thing that I was wondering is through my own contemplation and my own work, especially around alcohol, like I didn't know that I was using it to feel an emotion, right? To feel celebration, even though there are things in my life that I'm not, that I'm I wasn't pumped about or to numb things down, but like you said, I've become so clear on actually who I am.

[00:21:56] And so I feel like there's wisdom or things within your journey that it's like, well, what have you learned about yourself in the process? You know, or maybe what have you released in the process as well? Like certain belief systems, things like that. 

[00:22:11] Patrick Testoni: Yeah, clarity, right? And so you talked about it, like, the tools I learned through my path of addiction and recovery are applicable to all human beings, right?

[00:22:18] And you talked specifically with alcohol. I've had friends of mine who have stopped drinking and they're just seeing the benefits of just, you know, cleaning their lives. Like, it can be, it can be things beyond drugs, too. I think we're all searching for clarity. And so for me, having that abstinence from mind altering substances provided clarity, being free of a habit.

[00:22:38] Which can be detrimental to the to the soul on a subconscious level, right? Because we all kind of know when we've got things that we need to change about ourselves, we don't. It affects my self esteem and it affects my confidence in my soul in small bits, right? There's kind of a saying like it's the big tragedies in life are not easy to deal with, but you can recognize them as things and work with them.

[00:22:58] The slow accumulation of dust in our pain, it can build up before you know it, right? And have impacts. But back to the growth question. So the foundation of recovery, having people around me helped a lot. There is this connection you have with someone who's gone through what you've gone through.

[00:23:18] But they are farther down the road. They've been clean longer in the case of recovery. That has a connection that no, like, client to patient relationship can have. It's not that those are bad relationships, but it's a very bonding relationship. We're creatures of habit, right? We I found myself, like, I had been living with a bunch of bicyclists.

[00:23:40] Road bikes. And now I have four road bikes. I'm just creature habit. So, if I hang out with people who are using drugs, then I'm going to likely use. If I hang out with people who, who are working on being clean and recovery, then I'm going to do that. And recognizing that part of my humanity, like and I learned that performance coaching too.

[00:23:56] I think someone mentioned, you kind of are who your five closest, people in your life are . So pick them wisely. So for me back to the foundation thing. I mean, I'm forever grateful for getting that opportunity to go from, you know, early recovery and treatment to working a 12 step program to discovering myself. Removing the mask of who I thought I was, finding authenticity and what I liked and what I love and who I was as a person that still continues on.

[00:24:28] I'm just, you know, like I'm still stumbling along in life, but as you mentioned before, that is our journey, right? We're stumbling along making the next right decisions, hopefully. And I love what you touched on your previous podcast about how, you know it was talking about outlook and what kind of connections and spiritual connections we make.

[00:24:46] That really struck a chord with me because I really believe that. Because I would hear the stories of the most successful people in the world, you know, not just financially, but just like they seem happy and successful and everybody's gone through something, right?

[00:24:59] But it's what they do with it that makes them unique and different. If it was easy, everybody would do it is kind of another mantra of mine. So I just, you know, I think it's important to keep that mentality. And at the end of the day, my journey of recovery has my journey.

[00:25:13] Everybody has their own journey in this world. I think it's, uh, we all have our personal relationships spiritually and we all have our life journey and our own challenges. What recovery and clarity taught me was to not compare my insides to other people's outsides, and to authentically embrace my journey.

[00:25:32] That's when the good stuff started to happen, right? To embrace my humanity, to accept me for I am physically, emotionally, and intellectually. And just appreciate all the benefits and drawbacks and go, "This is my journey. I authentically take this journey and do that." And it, you know, it's a different topic.

[00:25:51] I thought about it. I remember early on when I was 16 and although you know, like I'm glad to be clean today. There was some experiences I had with psychedelic drugs. I can't not underestimate. They kind of changed my perspective on the world. Did I need them? No, I didn't. But they, they kind of decoupled me from the framework of my life that I was in.

[00:26:17] And I often say, you know, drugs didn't help me, but maybe they saved me in some ways because I might not been alive today if I hadn't that release. They were my solution to my problem, and then they became my problem. But what I got out of those early psychedelic experiences, honestly, was it just kind of decoupled me from the framework of the life I was living and what society was telling me.

[00:26:42] And it kind of validated what I felt deep inside that was feeding my discomfort, which was I feel true to a certain way of life in a certain way of being. And society is telling me that's wrong as a man, as a human being. And that disparity between how my gut felt and what was being positively fed back to me from society was part of the pain I was feeling.

[00:27:15] Ashley Mondor: That is so good. My belief around like, especially mushrooms anything that's grown from Gaia, right? That's taken from a respectful, uh, yeah, I can't get the word. What is it? It starts with an s. Sacred. And you hold it as sacred because it is a living being from Gaia.

[00:27:37] I mean, even when you just look at it without even ingesting mushrooms. Being part of a mycelial network where everything thrives. And it is the exact opposite of the society that we have been conditioned and programmed to live in. These mushrooms are literally cleaning the forest, and helping the trees, and nourishing things, and helping things decay, and we're like, oh, you know, who's the most worthy and the best, the richest people, the people who have all the resources, they're the best.

[00:28:06] And we're like, what? And then we're like, you know, it makes sense. We go and we work our lives away and we're not present. And then we're going to spend all of our money. We're going to try and tamper down our pain and our suffering by what, by using substances or paying, or scrolling or whatever that is.

[00:28:23] But it's so cool to have, I think, to have something like mushrooms in a way where I feel like they can accelerate your expansion, your clarity of awareness, if you are, you know, intentional with it. But when you are talking about that process for you and how it helped you decouple, what were some of the things that you learned?

[00:28:45] Did it help you become more true to yourself or did it change your frame or perspective and you live differently? 

[00:28:52] Patrick Testoni: I mean, for me, it was a combination of that. And you know, at the time it was like the music scene, the Grateful Dead was my avenue, but I made a decision just to follow my heart.

[00:29:02] And I left my hometown, cause society is like, live your dreams, but keep your dreams realistic. Right? Because you need to have this job, and you need to do that, and you need to put some money away, you need to build a career, and insurance. These things are not necessarily not valid, but my heart was like, I really want to do this, and I really want to just like, hop in a car and travel around, and see the world, and, and, and live life to my fullest, and so for me, that's what happened.

[00:29:29] There's a quote from Jerry Garcia that I always remember. He said he took psychedelics and he realized that trying to live a normal life was just a comedy or a joke, right? And so I felt the same way. I was like, I'm following my heart. At the time the hallucinations and my perspective was a little, you know, it was, induced but the gut feeling was right and I followed my heart and I continued to do that. It taught me that you can, you can really push the envelope of life. And watch what happens and I still carry that with me today. And I lost that when I got deeper in my disease.

[00:30:01] There's a great book, you reminded me so many things, Be Here Now, that I read when I was young and I barely remember anything about the book it was but one of the things they talk about is taking psychedelics to india and they give it to a guru and has no effect on him because he's already there And I remember that, you know, it's like, okay, this, this allowed me and my society to get me a place, I don't know to save me or whatever, but it kind of rocket shot me a place I could get.

[00:30:26] And that's the beauty now, because I'm clean, I don't take substances, I can get there, you know? It's like kind of jumping over a fence to see what's over the fence. If I can just like, climb the fence, then I can always look over. If I'm jumping, I get a peek. And I remember that so many times in my psychedelic experiences, I felt like I was just getting these visions and then I mean because they're mind altering substances it would fade and I'd be like I got to remember that. So for me specifically, it was follow your heart.

[00:30:51] And for me, you know, I hopped in a car with a friend of mine and went to some shows three states away and met other people who are living that sort of framework for good or worse. They were kind of living an alternative society and that just opened my mind to oh, I don't have to do this and because we're social beings, being around other people, a large amount of people are doing that I was like, oh, this is real.

[00:31:15] This is okay, you know, and so that just led me on my journey that eventually brought me to California and San Francisco, surprise, surprise. But the fact that I was following my heart and I was seeing, I was meeting people, I was experiencing things both good and bad at the time.

[00:31:31] But, I was basically jumping off that diving board is, you know, term I was using today when I was working with someone, just like taking that leap of faith and seeing where I've led. Today at my age, in my life, I am, like I said there's, a lot of things that happened, I wish I wouldn't, but that overall, experience of the journey of life I've been on, I'm forever grateful for.

[00:31:52] Ashley Mondor: That is so beautiful. Also, you know, following your heart truly is the key to everything. That, I'm so glad that that's the thing that you pulled through because that literally is the way. Because I believe that your heart is the portal to your soul, and your soul speaks in what? Vibration and feeling, and that feels like love and curiosity, and joy, and passion, and it's the little whispers of like, you can do this.

[00:32:20] Of course you should try, like, going after your dreams and things like that. So on this journey of you following your heart and then, you know, meeting the obstacles and things, how has hypnosis come into your life then? 

[00:32:36] Patrick Testoni: So it's an interesting story about how hypnosis came to my life. I along with my career, I started playing poker and I started playing at a pretty high level with other friends of mine who were, had active careers and were playing poker.

[00:32:50] And around 2018, a good friend of mine referred me to a performance coach because the game of poker at a professional level and golf of all things, it can be highly stressful. And if you don't have good mental acuity, you will have detrimental mental programs. 

[00:33:04] So long story short, she introduced me to this man, Elliot Roe, who had a program and he had become, uh, famous for working with some high level poker players. So I signed up for a program of his. It's called 10 Days to a Prime Mind.

[00:33:17] He runs it the first of the year, every year, and he ran one in January, 2020. And out of that, he had an offer to do a beta program. Which was a bit more money. It was kind of a funnel into that, but I was getting a lot of results. So I started working with him there and we started around March 2020. And as all you may remember, that's when the pandemic started.

[00:33:39] So it turned into a quite a gift because he offered to meet with the 10 of us. I think they were in this beta program until the doors open, which ended up being like nine months later. And so I started working with him and one of his coaches and he, he coached a structure of performance work and regressive hypnotherapy.

[00:33:59] Cause that was his background. And what happened is my whole life started getting better. It wasn't just the poker, my whole life started getting better. These invisible obstacles started disappearing. And one of the things about Elliot's book, Program that was amazing is as has he worked with more, uh, more successful people, he started noticing common patterns and what they did.

[00:34:23] So he took his regressive hypnotherapy and then he was like, here, I'm going to show you what successful people do. And so a combination of that. And we had a lot of discussions about like, you know, the, Pandemic is going to be kind of a it's gonna be a fork in the road for a lot of people. Some people are going to really regress and we're going to really succeed.

[00:34:39] I made a decision. I really want to succeed. And out of that I had a lot of success in my life. In multiple levels. And kind of some of the pursuits I'm doing now, these Iron Man races I'm training for playing poker more, which I was doing at the time, my relationships with people, how I handled myself.

[00:34:58] I was working on everything all the time because it was the pandemic. There was a lot of time to work on everything. And then I noticed something that was happening related to my recovery to my emotional growth. And what happened is I realized that I was starting to blend in some of the things I was learning from his program into the sponsees I was working with in recovery, and I realized there was a synergy there.

[00:35:23] And that's when I felt drawn and compelled to to share the impact that was happening to me, which is essentially like, recovery is the foundation. I personally, I believe that 12 step recovery is the foundation. And then the work, the hypnotherapy work, the performance work, you can build a house and have a life.

[00:35:43] And that's what's happened to me. I'm still building it, honestly, but it's had such a positive impact on my life that I felt compelled to share it. And actually, Elliot referred me to Melissa. He was like, if you want to start on this journey, you should go train with Melissa. She's the best right now. 

[00:36:01] Ashley Mondor: Oh, so good, like the synchronicities and how everything lined up for you to be able to do that and also the courage to do it you didn't have to, you know, you could have been like status quo this is cool.

[00:36:12] So in, uh, actually this is my question for you. Life is challenging and difficult and especially as we shift into the age of Aquarius, it's going to be. It's more challenging, honestly, because a lot of systems and things are going to fall. So I'm wondering, like, what is it that you do every day that keeps you, uh, clear and keeps you energized and focused and, you know, staying in your leadership and in your light, especially during hardship?

[00:36:40] Patrick Testoni: Habits seem to be helping a lot. So I, I didn't mention this earlier, but one of the things I had, uh, An ex partner of mine, she is successful on this sort of this space. And she was always big on coaching and she was encouraging me to get coaching. So not only did I get performance coaching from Elliott, I started getting coaching in triathlon training, in poker as well and everything I was doing.

[00:37:04] I could find, I think I have fitness. I got a, uh, a plant based fitness coach cause I've been plant based now for five years. I started like seeking outside help. Right. That I learned it first in recovery and then through the people I met. And so one of the things I got out of that was developing habits.

[00:37:22] So the habits that are common are I do 15 minutes of meditation every day. I do writing. Almost every night. One of the things I work on is minimum acceptable actions, which is like I have all these dreams. But if I just am destination oriented, I'm going to fall asleep every night going, "I'm not there yet."

[00:37:43] So setting up victories every day is good for mindset. I also do a lot of reflective 12 step recovery and more so related to performance coaching, just kind of addressing things that come up. And it seems to be working. You know, a lot of times in the past I felt what I call emotional constipation.

[00:38:04] So having emotional digestion tools are critically important in my life. 'cause life is gonna have good things and life's gonna have bad things, but there is a difference between pain and torture. And for me, torture is dysfunctional tools to deal with challenges and pain.

[00:38:24] Ashley Mondor: That's gonna be a quote. That, ooh, Patrick, that was so good. It's so true. For your, your, uh, emotional techniques, what do you use to help you, you know, either release, shift, view the dense, heavy shit, basically, that you're navigating. 

[00:38:47] Patrick Testoni: Uh, meditation works a lot. I do a lot of writing and sharing. You know, for me, being in recovery, I do a lot of writing related 12 step stuff.

[00:38:54] I should probably do more, honestly, to be forthcoming. But I've done a lot, and I do it. I also, you know, like, that's the main thing, and talking to people about it, too. I still actively participate in recovery, and in, I'm a big believer in building social networks. I'm Like the one you and I are part of.

[00:39:09] I think those are very important. We're getting like free work on each other as we work on each other. So, you know, like the big thing I, you know, is, is now is doing the work. Which means in my case, not only the recovery work, but continuing to work in this space of, uh, mental health. Through hypnotherapy and performance coaching, because it's not just about performing in life.

[00:39:32] It's about having a better functional life. And I always call my, I tell my friends, I'm patient zero. Like I'm, I'm, I'm just, I'm applying this stuff to my life and it seems to be working really well. And so I'm just going to keep rinsing and repeating and dealing with life as it comes along and I'll keep you posted and I'm actually, you know, beginning to share this with others.

[00:39:53] Yeah. You know, using the model honestly, I learned in recovery, which is kind of like what we call the sponsor sponsee relationship, which is like basically like here's the way I've been here. Follow me. You know what I mean? Which is kind of how our, you know, like. The the coaching model works anyway, right?

[00:40:08] It's like we're going in this together. I've just been here before. Let me show you how to get through and so that seems to work, you know, but like I said, I'm patient zero, so... 

[00:40:17] Ashley Mondor: I love that. I feel like what's so special about embodied coaching specifically It's like when you have navigated things and you've learned you can help people collapse time and maybe sidestep certain things and the most special thing is, they're the one holding the lantern, but you're holding their hand, you know, like they're not alone.

[00:40:36] And like you said, we are social creatures. We need connections and things like that. And like you said, you are who you surround yourself with. So do you like who you are with these people? Do you feel authentic and free and safe to be expressive and to be the full you, you know, so on your journey and.

[00:40:54] you're finding these people and you're following your heart to things like hypnotherapy and poker and things. You also mentioned that you do triathlons. Do you feel like triathlons and that rigorous activity has also helped you in your journey? And is that one of the ways that you process and stuff?

[00:41:12] Patrick Testoni: It's a good question. Let me touch on one thing before I forget though. It's really important. So one of the tools I did in Elliott's program is 10 days to a prime mind is you actually do a review of your whole past year and you write all the things that happened positive and all the things that have been negative.

[00:41:27] And then you're asked to summarize each one of those in one word. And almost invariably the three years I've done it, the positive is connection. And the negative is isolation. So hammering home your point, right? We have all these things we do, but for me, it's all about connection brings positivity in my life.

[00:41:48] Isolation brings negativity. That being said, how did I end up in Ironman? Just, I mean, my life's just like, basically I feel like I'm just spiritually blind, just smelling and walking my way through it, right? Like my whole, how did I end up in this space was coincidence. How I ended up doing Ironman's was

[00:42:06] essentially, like before the pandemic, I would run and I played basketball. And that's what I did. And all of a sudden I couldn't play basketball anymore because it was not COVID friendly and I didn't want to play. And I had some friends that were close to mine that were living with me. We had a pod at my house at the time.

[00:42:22] It was three of us who were living together and our partners, there was like six of us. It was like being in a dorm room again, but they all rode mountain bikes and road bikes. So I'm a creature habit. My girlfriend at the time and I, we both got bikes, we started riding, I started running more I started eating better because my brother had started a fitness program, and I was like, he's doing it, I'm going to do it with him, and it evolved over time, and I would actually humorously say, well, I'm running and I'm biking, I'm going to do a triathlon one day, and just that, like, kind of like, You know, almost a justification for how much I was running and biking.

[00:42:56] Honestly came this whole vision and I was one day very similar to like how I ended up doing Melissa's program. I was like, you know what? I'm gonna see if there's a coach, so I'm plant based. I believe in it plant based triathlon coach. I found yogi triathlete B. J. and his wife, Jess, and they happen to be coming to Santa Cruz, coincidence, to do a triathlon.

[00:43:21] Surprise. Like, life is just, you know, you reach out to the universe, coincidence surprises you. And they're like, we're going to be there in a couple weeks. Do you want to join us? And I was like, sure, because I've learned to take a leap of faith. Sure. Let me know when you're here. They were at a coffee shop.

[00:43:35] First it was a little socially awkward. I was like, no, I'm going to take my leap of faith. I'm going to go down and talk to them and met them. Social creature. Within a couple of weeks, I was getting trained by him. I started doing it because I had a coach and I started finding, like, I find that if I follow my heart, it usually puts me in alignment with things

[00:43:57] that are going to be in my journey, right? And so I love it. And you know, who know how that's how I ended up in everything I do, you know, even the poker career was random. Even my work career was random. I graduated with a degree and I was working at Whole Foods, which I loved and enjoyed, but I had a college degree and I was like, Oh, one day I was up at the university that job I never thought about, but I need to get a job and it fits the description that turned into a 23 year career.

[00:44:23] Just like walking into a a board one day frustrated, right? So my life is all about that. So anyway, that's how I ended up doing these. Now I did a half Ironman last year by showing up every day, the principles that I learned in recovery and in coaching show up every day, get someone to help you a coach a sponsor and you know, authenticity will likely happen or I'll do something else.

[00:44:45] And so I love it. I, you know, actually three weeks away from doing my first full Ironman in Arizona. Not only that, there's five of us who are doing it for the first time, and BJ and his wife, Jess, who have Yogi Triathlete, they're doing a podcast. We're all bonding, connecting together, and it's getting real, Ashley

[00:45:02] I'm five weeks away. I'm basically spending a lot of time working out, and I, you know, we'll see how it goes. I'll keep you posted, but it's just like another bucket list item. As I get older, you know, I'm 55 now, I've realized that, you know, some of the things we heard when you're young, you really start to feel like we're here but a short time.

[00:45:19] You can't take anything with you. You have experiences, live your dreams, take care of yourself, help others as much as possible. Mind you, I'm a human, you know, but these are my themes, right? And so I find the more I do that, Back to your original point, that fulfills me more. It keeps my cup full. 

[00:45:41] Ashley Mondor: Oh, I'm so excited for you for November.

[00:45:44] Oh my god, that's so cool. And I think, too, something that's so beautiful that I don't know if you follow, like, uh, Bashar or his formula for becoming the true you and you are doing it intuitively. Basically what it is is you follow your heart with no insistence or assumption on any outcome and you do it to the best of your ability until you can't take it any further and you remain open and curious, right?

[00:46:08] So you're following the curiosity and then what happens is Source, the universe, the quantum field brings through synchronicities for you to be like, yes, keep going this way or here's a roadblock. Not this way. Turn around or go a different way, right? And you have naturally led yourself through that, which I think is just so phenomenal and it's brought such incredible people into your life and experiences and all of that.

[00:46:30] But I also am wondering, you have your work and energy and then you said also that you are going into energy work. So what's happening there? 

[00:46:41] Patrick Testoni: Well I basically am feeling compelled and drawn to have impact and share with people like the the gifts I've been given through performance coaching, hypnotherapy, and focusing particularly on people who are in recovery, not necessarily, you know, I'll work with anybody who's like brand new or an addict or trying to get clean, but in particular to help people who are, you know, in recovery and looking to have more out of life.

[00:47:06] So that's one area I'm going to focus on cause I just feel like it's such a gift I was given and deemed and asked for. So uh, I'm grateful to be able to share that with others. 

[00:47:17] Ashley Mondor: I love that. And for people, if they are listening to your vibe and catching a frequency, you had mentioned that you work with people who are like in recovery or maybe who are, you know, addicts and at the beginning of their journey, but are you open to working with anyone, and is it mainly like coaching and hypnotherapy?

[00:47:38] Patrick Testoni: Mainly coaching and hypnotherapy. I'm open to work with anyone, and I'm glad to be a resource for people on their journey. Like I said, one of my, uh, key mentors is Elliot Rowe, and he's got a whole program: 10 Days to a Prime Mind is coming up in January, so if they have questions about that, they can reach out to me.

[00:47:54] I. Work with Elliot quite a bit. He's you know, he's my mentor in this space if you want to reach out directly to me, they can get a hold of me. I have an email. It's In28Awareness@Gmail.com I am two eight awareness at gmail. com and I'm happy to answer any questions or if they're looking for someone to get some feedback from or work with I'm happy to help direct them or work with them 

[00:48:19] Ashley Mondor: Cool.

[00:48:20] And then for your work with hypnotherapy, are you leading people into regression? Are you leading them into past live things? Are you teaching them self hypnosis and neuroplasticity? Like what does your work look like? 

[00:48:32] Patrick Testoni: Yes. So basically working the Meta Pattern and, and regressive hypnotherapy I found to be a valuable tool, but also interlacing in, in the case of people who are in recovery, some of the, the fundamentals of that program as well, 'cause they work synergistically.

[00:48:47] But for people who are coming here, who are not working at 12 step program, basically, you know, the, the coaching, the unconscious mind tools, the matter pattern, some of the NLP stuff I'm learning definitely the, the hypnotherapy regression I found to be valuable. 

[00:49:01] Ashley Mondor: Cool. Okay. So this is my last question that I ask everyone.

[00:49:05] It's my favorite question. So if you're feeling grounded and present, I'd love to know what is alive in your heart today.

[00:49:13] Patrick Testoni: What is alive in my heart today? I think I'm focused on being more vulnerable as a human and being more focused on. Spending time with the people in my life, that's been a big focus of mine that I've had, especially now as I get older, just having experiences, particularly with family and friends.

[00:49:40] And then, you know, what is really in my heart is what's brought me here today, which is continuing this, this, uh, This work. Working with Melissa. She's amazing. Working with Elliot. He is amazing as well. Highly recommend him. And continue on that path. And what also is in my heart, I didn't touch on this before is I've been doing this, you know, energy and utility and renewable energy and sustainability work now for 23 years.

[00:50:06] And so I'm at this point now where I'm kind of mentoring others there so that when I hand it off and retire, they can, they can have lives and careers that are very fulfilling. 

[00:50:18] Ashley Mondor: I can only imagine how fulfilling that would be, especially with the earth and what's going on right now. That is incredible.

[00:50:24] And I'm so proud of you for the work that you've done on yourself so that you could be a beacon of light for other people, so that you could be a way shower and to be like, "I know this path. I know the pain and the depth of it. I know also what it takes." And because you serve as a living example, that means that other people have a chance, you know?

[00:50:43] So, thank you for the work that you do in the world, and thank you for the way that you have loved yourself even more deeply, and you have chosen to be courageous and to face the fears and the traumas and the mental narratives and stuff, and also in choosing to, like, have new neurons talk to each other in new ways, so you could have different experiences.

[00:51:02] So thank you, Patrick, for sharing your story with me today. I'm so grateful. And I just, I'm so happy that we connected. 

[00:51:10] Patrick Testoni: You're such a bright light. Please keep doing what you're doing. I am so glad to have known you and getting to know you better. And it's amazing to hear those words said because the reality is it just like hammers home how fortunate I am to be here today.

[00:51:26] So thank you so much for those kind words. 

[00:51:28] Ashley Mondor: Oh, it's my honor. Also, I just have to say one last thing, when I met Patrick, I was like, this story is incredible. And so I was like, Patrick, will you be on my podcast? And he was like, "Yes." And then I was like, can we be friends on Facebook? And he was like, "Yes. And so I went and I was like, add friend and I was his 888th friend.

[00:51:50] And if you know anything about numbers like that, specifically angel numbers and their frequencies, that is about abundance and harmony and karma and infinite energy. And so I was just like, Oh, this is divine. So thank you, Patrick, for existing and for being here with us today. I'm so grateful.

[00:52:08] Patrick Testoni: Thank you so much, Ashley.